Over the past two weeks I’ve shared the first two steps of my four-part Beautiful Boundaries recipe. We’re going to take a break from that often-uncomfortable work to concentrate on the much more delicious GRATITUDE. Which may, in turn, help with the awkward art of boundary-setting.

Have you watched Brené Brown’s Netflix Special, Call to Courage, yet? It’s amazing. It’s basically nerdy stand-up comedy that makes you cry in a really good way. In it, Brené Brown’s funny, smart, loving, sassy self talks about her 20 years of academic research on vulnerability and shame.

Specifically, she talks about how she always avoided vulnerability…. until her huge body of data began screaming one thing at her—that all the people she identified as “wholehearted” individuals who had a great sense of belonging and life satisfaction shared just ONE variable in common. That’s right, VULNERABILITY. Ew.

In other words, she, a lifelong academic, could not deny that the data were telling her that if SHE wanted to be wholehearted, she had to welcome vulnerability into her life. And she, like most of us, was repelled by the notion of it.

Why? Well, because feeling vulnerable means feeling unsafe, exposed, uncertain, and fearful. Who wants to choose that? Let’s just all stay in our comfort zones and feel the good stuff inside our safe little nests. But it turns out that even the goodness of our cozy nests can be threatening. Ugh!

Brown points out that vulnerability doesn’t just appear when we are public speaking in our underwear or interviewing for a job or asking a crush out on a date. Turns out, vulnerability thrums in our bodies the MOST when we experience joy.

That’s right, joy. It’s one of the scariest feelings we can have. Because, with joy, comes also the grand fear that it won’t last. That it will be taken away. That we have something to lose.

There’s an easy solution to this, of course—avoid joy! No joy, no vulnerability. Bam. But that also means: No vulnerability, no joy. And that’s just plain sad.

So what do you do when you’re standing on a mountaintop covered in wildflowers feeling so full you think you might take off like a helium balloon and then suddenly you notice a mole that’s been on your arm for your whole life but are suddenly convinced that it’s going to be the death of you within the next four months because you certainly don’t get to just BE on this beautiful spot on this beautiful planet FOR FREE???

What do you do then??

You go for gratitude. At least that’s what Brené Brown’s research shows. All of her “wholehearted” participants had a pattern of focusing on the gifts in their lives through all of its most heartwrenching losses, as well as its most tremulous joys.

And it just so happens that I recently completed the recipe Get Your Gratitude On, a timely reminder for all of us—myself included—to go for gratitude anytime—everytime— things feel shaky inside, either because they seem to good to be true or too horrific to survive.

This recipe is also a nudge to practice gratitude when we’re NOT standing on the edge of the cliff, but just moving through the rhythms of our daily lives. Because gratitude is delicious, always. Because it brings us more deeply into our experiences. And because, when we DO find ourselves on the edge of a cliff, we will know exactly where to reach to keep from falling off.

In love and gratitude for Brené Brown, my dear friend and longtime gratitude partner Johanna, and all of YOU,

xoxo Becca

P.S. To read all the tiny words on the recipe, scroll down below the images.

Get Your Gratitude On

thanksthanksthanksthanksthanks

Twelve years ago a far-away friend invited me to start a gratitude practice with her. I was DEEP in the throes of my angsty Quarter-Life Crisis. The idea of ANY practice that could let some soothing light into my barbed mind and scrambled heart sounded good to me.

PLUS, I liked the excuse to be in daily touch with her. PLUS, I’d been reading about neuroplasticity for a few years by then and knew that I could create new, joy-filled, free-flowing, effortless channels in my brain if I practiced consistently, the same way that I could now change chords on my guitar without thinking.

So we emailed daily lists of things we were grateful for: “I’M THANKFUL FOR STARRY BIKE RIDES TO WORK AND DOGWOODS IN BLOOM. I’M GRATEFUL I CAN RIDE A BIKE AND TO MY MOM FOR TEACHING ME HOW.”

It changed everything. Suddenly, even in my deepest “OH-MY-GOD-WHAT-AM-I-DOING-WITH-MY-LIFE-I’M-PRETTY-SURE-I’M-A-LOSER” despair, there was still the smell of daphne on the spring rain, and I… I was paying attention.

And as long as my attention was focused on the beauty exploding all around me, there was no room to think about how lost I felt.

Now, over a decade later, our practice looks different. Emailing happens monthly instead of daily. And though we always begin with gratitude, our focus is on the transformative conversation we began in high school.

And it’s okay. Because I tell you with certainty that MY BRAIN HAS CHANGED! New channels have been carved so deep and steady that I rarely need to consciously conure gratitude. Even in the depths of despair. Even when I’m broken-hearted or trembling in fear.

Because the tiny stream of thanksgiving I began creating long ago has become the river of gratitude that I now float, swim, flow, and sometimes flounder in every day… All thanks to an email a friends sent me twelve years ago.

Thank you, Joh! I am so grateful.

Love, Reebs

Begin consciously carving a channel for gratitude to flow freely through your heart-mind. Watch as it expands to become the raging river of thanks you flow, float, and swim through life in. Enjoy.

Get a gratitude buddy. Text or email three things you are grateful for each day. Or take photos. Share them on social media.

When you catch the monsters of self-pity, blame, fear, doubt, or hopelessness tromping around in your mind, drown them in gratitude. They will die.

Bring gratitude to the world! Thank someone known or random for something that often goes unappreciated. Write a list of gratitudes with sidewalk chalk in a public space. Start a shared meal by inviting all to voice something they’s thankful for.

Keep a journal in your love and beauty zone. Record your gratitudes. Read them when you need a boost.

DON’T WAIT! Fill the rest of this river with gratitude. Now!!